Pandora's Box... a FREE VERSE - 2004

it is 7:00 A.M. , and i'm walking home
alone, again.
i do not miss Reean & Kix
i do not miss breaking up
the triumvirate.
i do not miss having breakfast and catching a glimpse
of their intimacy,
a private joke,
a shared smile, laugh,
or teasing,
over something
so only shared by 2
i do not miss being te third wheel
and i know what it feels like
to carry the weight of 2.

So, @ 7:00 a.m. that day
that morning,
i decided to walk home
alone. again.
And then a funny thing happened,
my feet gave up
as i was crossing the street to where Podium was.
It was as if some force of nature
some nameless circumstance as an angel
deliberately try to cripple me...
i get hit by cramps!!!

My gym instructor used to say ,
potassium
is the cure to cramps
but the last thing i want to do, @ this unholy time,
is to look for bananas...!

An alternative would be, breakfast.
i presume, as i amble,
and hobble,
and limp my way to Starbux
where he coffee is great
and the expense for that greatness,
greater.

So, i order black coffee, iced, no sugar
bagel, whole wheat, tosted
and Philly cream cheese. And hope,
and wish
and pray
that @ least one of those, had, of course
potassium in it.

And so, i dine, al fresco
with both my feet up on a chair
meditating on the pain,
all of it,
to subside.

So, where do you come in
this psycho-melodrama?
You read on and find out that
it is rather short,
more like a bit part,
a cameo, as they say on film.

From where i was temporarily planted,
there is a good view of Ortigas
the facades of old buildings
intertwyned with the new.
Like where i was then, stuck between
letting go of,
and loving you.

And i remenisce, nostalgic
( a feeling of overhelming persistence
when with a cup in my hand)
upon the last time we met.
How @ that particular moment
i felt that
you were mine
you were mine?
you were?
were you ever mine?
i always asked myself then,
so what can make it any different now?
Time is fleeting
and will always run its course
and space is as vast
and you will one day stray
to where my feet cannot follow
because i walk too slow,
and will always get the cramps.

Are you still going to ask why,
i sanctify this distance...?

One day,
i will say why. (Tuesday)
One day,
i will tell you why. (Wednesday)
One day,
i will definitely say why. (Thursday)
Any day now... why not?

Why?
Because you have opened up my fears
this Pandora's box has been unlocked
opened
undone
You have broken my shell
and i am afraid
that when your fancy declines
all that would be left
is
addiction.
So, don't ask me why
because i feel that you know why.

Understand this,
i wanted to remember
that i walked away first.
Never was the best student of life.
Never took a course in
"the art of letting go"
i wanted to remember
that i walked away first.
Take out my sewing kit
break open the super glue
Pull myself together
before
i evenfall apart again
this time, over you.
i've seen too mny backs turned
i've heard too many footsteps fade away
i will not sit and wait
to have my spirit chiseled away
small parts @ a time
slowly, and painfully
each time,
like the last time

So, @ 7:00 a.m. that day
i walk home.
Alone.
Again.

and i do not miss Ree-an and Kix
i do not miss breaking up
the triumvirate
i do not miss having breakfast and catching a glimpse
of their intimacy
a private joke
a shared laugh, smile or giggle.
Over something
so only shared by 2.
i do not miss being the third wheel.
And i know what it feels like
to carry the weight of 2.

or: Brooding with a cup of coffee, a piece of bagel and Philly Cream Cheese @ Starbuck's Podium, and Mourning over you...